Lost
by Luna-Yuuki
Summary: When Tifa finally gave up chasing after a shadow of that certain someone, she thought her heart would break. But it didn't, instead she went numb. Pain sure is horrible, however numbness is far more destructive. Until he comes and breaks the ice...


It never rains but it pours

The phrase works well with whoever is in pain, grief and misfortune. She thinks. Well at least in the darkest slump of mentality she is now, nothing bright would work anyway.

Not that she doesn't try, Tifa remembers clearly how much a fighter she was in the past, that always stirs up the most unpleasant gust deep inside her. If there is a chance to seize the time, travel back to where it all began, would she choose to walk a different path, would she choose not to pull the trigger of all her pain, would she choose to make it easier on herself so that now she is still the young, innocent girl she is supposed to be?

Intelligibly, Tifa would choose to stay, still the harsh way because it is her destiny, she has neither choices nor the courage to break the cursed fate.

But she is now a damsel in distress, a lunatic griever, a useless entity, which is better off disappearing she thinks.

Perhaps it was decided by the Lifestream itself that her existence was to be entwined with his that even if it was damn grievous she still felt right.

Cloud, the once silly, timid, innocent chocobo headed boy-next-door who supposedly had a crush on her. And at one time he was the only boy who gave up the small village to pursue his big dream of becoming a SODIER, he was someone she'd root for and eventually looked up to as a modest country-side girl. And when there were strangers who stepped into his life, tampered with it, that's when things messed up, and pain stroke her as powerful as it had never been.

Tifa realized how important he was to her. That's when she started holding on to him, trying every bit to get back the boy he once was, to push hesitance and guilt out of him. She should've known the limit for both. Truthfully, Tifa knew well it would turn out futile but she fooled herself in the faint hope of getting out victoriously but here she is, defeated.

At last, she let go, of Cloud and of the longing that never been responded. However Tifa never knew that she'd be taken aback by reality as she now doesn't have a reason to exist anymore. She has no family to run to for comfort, she has no dream to be fulfilled and no battle to fight since the war is over, Sephiroth is no longer a nightmare that haunts the earth. Ultimately Cloud no longer doubts himself, no longer hesitates, instead, he has embarked on a new journey to find his future where Tifa is not presented. He simply refuses her existence in his life to be anything more than a friend. What disheartens Tifa the most is not her inability to get to his heart but her inability to struggle any further. Tifa's tolerance in now at its limit as knowing she can not spark any emotion or interest from him anymore. After all, it is better letting go and moving on than clinging onto someone that considers you nothing more than an abundance in his life. But she can't possibly move on, sarcastically it is Tifa herself that is drifting, unaware of what, where and when to go next.

8 months, that seems to be a reasonable amount of time for someone to check into rehab, regain their foothold after breakup but evidently not for her. It wasn't a breakup to begin with, they were never together. Nevertheless Tifa manages to cope with daily life, running back and fort in the bar called 7th heaven and put on a poker face like everything's fine even though her inside is shattered. Fortunately Cloud had been going on delivery more often, not until night time did he come back and Tifa would feign a random reason to retreat to her room, leaving the himself to sort things out with the children. Yet she would lie flat on her bed, trying to make out her name from their talk, but to her dismay, she could come up with the conclusion that there was no longer a Tifa in Cloud's heart. A few times the children would mention her but there was only silence followed. And now the children's gone to Barret's for a better education, Cloud would retreat to his room if he necessarily has to come home.

Tifa is a headstrong woman undeniably, she refuses to stoop down low and run after someone to beg for anything, let alone compassion. But no one knows better than herself she has always been one hell of a vulnerable girl. Yet the girl refuses to show her weakness to anyone, as her ego refuses to take the eyes of pity from friends and eventually Cloud. She finds it more confortable to barricade herself from external interactions, where reality is just an alternative. However what Tifa is not aware of is the weariness of her soul, she is not conscious of the dullness in those ruby eyes until someone come and call fort everything suppressed in her.


End file.
